Lousy Lottery 29: It's not Christmas Eve, it's Christmas Evil!
Welcome, friends, to the Lousy Lottery! Here’s how it works. First, I post four movies to a poll on Twitter. Fans vote to pick which movie to make me watch that week. I watch it, review it and spread the word about an amazingly awful, terribly terrific b-horror flick.
This is week 29! This week we get in the holiday spirit with 1980’s Christmas Evil! But first, let’s talk plot.
It’s Christmas Eve in the late ‘40s and young Harry decides to try and spy on Santa. He finds Santa, alright, but he doesn’t like what he sees, because what he sees is Santa kissing mommy. The truth is, he’s seeing his dad making out with his mom, but his dad’s dressed up like Saint Nick. It doesn’t lead to a catchy holiday tune, though, oh no. It’s perfectly logical to think that Harry would talk to someone about what he saw and learn the truth. It’s perfectly logical to think he’d work out his issues with what he saw over the course of time. It’s perfectly logical to think Harry would have, at most, a mild aversion to Santa after what he saw. Christmas Evil, however, is not a story based in logic.
We catch up with Harry about 40 years later and he’s a totally bonkers loner who works as a sort of Michael Scott-style assistant manager, but not at a paper company, at, instead, a toy factory. He seems to not have developed an aversion to Santa, but, rather, an obsession with the jolly ol’ elf. Why? Is it Oedipal? Nope. They don’t bring up the mom or anything even remotely sexual again. No, it seems Harry simply had an irreversible mental breakdown when he saw Santa gently touching his mother’s thigh, no seriously, and now works at a toy factory in an office plastered with posters of Santa.
His home is even more filled with Santa and holiday references. It’s like a curio shop with a Christmas theme. This is far from the weirdest part, though. It seems Harry spends his free time spying on neighborhood kids from a roof via binoculars and follows their actions throughout the day. He does this already super creepy thing in the most creepy way, talking to himself and acting like he’s talking to the kids. Oh, Cynthia, you’re such a good girl, yes, play with that dolly like a good girl. Gives me the damn willies. He then takes his findings and writes them in a book, noting who’s been naughty or nice. This serves almost no purpose and just leads to more creepiness, but, damn, is it effective at being creepy.
Harry has somehow kept it together enough to work a job, pay rent and do daily life. This all changes when one of his co-workers asks him to work on Christmas Eve on the line so the co-worker can spend time with his family. When Harry finishes the shift and head’s home, he sees the co-worker drinking in a bar with friends. Does he wait in the parking lot and confront his colleague? Well, now, that would be logical, but, again, this isn’t a logical movie. No, he doesn’t do that. He goes home, superglues a fake beard to his face, builds and puts on a Santa costume and starts loading up a sack with presents. He then paints his van to look like a red sleigh and starts driving around the neighborhood sneaking into the houses of the kids on his ‘nice’ list and giving them presents.
This portion of the movie reminds me much of the mental breakdown of the protagonist in the recent film Joker, how a seemingly normal fella can suddenly become a slasher. Instead of painting his face and shooting a tv host, Harry dons a Santa outfit and starts acting like he’s Santa. This works just fine for a few houses, but then he starts running into trouble. First, he’s stopped by a security guard entering a building. Then, he’s stopped by midnight mass goers. When the latter mock him, he full on axes four of them to death before fleeing in his, uh sleigh. Not sure how murder of random churchgoers isn’t enough to make his own ‘naughty’ list, but, whatever.
He tries to shrug it off and goes about his Santa business. The next obstacle he runs into is the fact that local news has spread the word that a murderous, axe-wielding Santa on the loose. With the physical description and a description of the van mixed with the fact that Harry is openly going all over the same neighborhood, it doesn’t take long for concerned locals to get their vigilante justice on. Some parents corner him in an alley and he narrowly escapes. Now that they know where he is, though, it doesn’t take long for a Simpsons-style mob to form, pitchforks and all, and start chasing him down. He manages to get to his van and speed off, but the mob also has cars and gives chase. In what has to be the weirdest and most nonsensical ending of all time, they force Harry off a bridge, but his van starts flying off into the sky. Harry is reciting The Night Before Christmas as he flies off across a full moon. Excuse me, what?!
Christmas Evil is one of the oddest movies I’ve ever seen. Not just in terms of Christmas movies, just in general. I truly have no clue how this movie got made and would destroy a toy factory to have been in on the pitch meeting. The arch of the main character is bizarre and basically pointless. There really is no protagonist and there doesn’t seem to be a message. Well, I guess the message could be, hey, some weird shit happened, look. And that ending. Oy vey. Are we to believe this fucking scumbag actually became Santa? Like, what, because he ‘believed?’ Was it some attempt at a sort of open-to-interpretation artsy ending? I have no clue.
I’m honestly not sure what to say about it. The movie is worth seeing because it is truly unique and a, just, bonkers movie. I can’t fathom how this movie even exists. So, is it worth seeing? Yes. That said, it’s also boring as hell and lacks a lot of the fun of other b-horror of its time. There are no really great kills. There is no nudity. There’s not even comic relief. It’s almost an emotional drama about a man’s decent into loneliness and insanity, punctuated by the occasional and totally random killing. That would be fine if the payoff of the kills was good, but it’s not. The kills are all off screen and none are interesting.
In the end, what do you get? Well, you get a movie so strange, so unexpected that you will find yourself gape-mouthed and head shaking the whole time. You’ll get some of the biggest overacting since your high school drama class. You’ll get a movie that is firmly set in a time and place. It was shot entirely on location around various parts of New Jersey. Even the toy factory was an actual toy factory owned by the mother of the Executive Producer. And you’ll also get to say you watched a movie that was banned in many countries, a movie that was one of those movies snuck around by passing the VHS copy from hand to hand. This time, though, you get to just turn on your Tubi or Shudder app and bask in the glory of it all.
Also, don’t forget to see what’s coming next in the Lousy Lottery. Make sure you tune into Twitter later today and vote for Lousy Lottery 30! My handle is @MrJosh79, look for it and don’t forget to vote!
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