Lousy Lottery #8 - Ice Cream Man
Welcome, friends, to the Lousy Lottery! Here’s how it works. First, I post four movies to a poll on Twitter. Fans vote to pick which movie to make me watch that week. I watch it, review it and spread the word about an amazingly awful, terribly terrific b-horror flick.
This is week eight! Your pick for this week is truly one of a kind, 1995’s Ice Cream Man!
Sweet mother of god. Ice Cream Man. This movie is truly something. It is similar to many other flicks, in terms of basic story structure, protagonist motivation and other elements. Despite this, it never feels like just another cookie cutter ‘90s movie. With the incredible performance of Clint Howard (Evilspeak, Austin Powers) and the truly bonkers story, Ice Cream Man feels like nothing you’ve seen before. It’s the sort of movie that we used to stumble upon in some relative’s hidden stash of weird movies. Better yet, it was the kind of movie one picked up at a video store, looked at the cover and went, “what the hell is this” before bringing it to the register. After watching it, that question would be even further from answered. Let’s dive into the weird, wild world of Ice Cream Man, but first, here are the basics of the story.
Let me start right out of the gate with saying this movie, like so many others from the ‘80s and ‘90s, displays a very oversimplified understanding of mental health. So many great, enjoyable horror movies from that golden era have some very cringe-worthy moments in them and often so when it relates to mental health. Whether it’s calling slow kids ‘retards’ or troubling views that going to an asylum equals turning into a coldhearted murder, the portrayals weren’t great and they aren’t here either. That the portrayals of mental health are with very broad strokes is not a huge surprise considering this is a movie directed by a porn director with such credits to his name as Edward Penishands, Intercourse with a Vampire and, my personal favorite, Paul Norman’s Nastiest Orgies. Okay, trigger warnings aside, I think it’s best to just accept the realities of this movie and let it be what it is, especially given the plot is also nonsensical and has little to do with mental health stereotypes.
We start our story in the past. We know it’s the past because everything is black and white, see? In the past, we arrive at a point in young Gregory’s life when he witnesses the unthinkable. It’s unthinkable because, well, why the hell would you ever think of the pivotal moment of our protagonist’s life being his witnessing the murder of an ice cream truck driver? Look, witnessing a murder is a horrible, traumatic event. There’s no denying this. The real question is why did this lead him to a life of completely unhinged psychopathy? Why did it lead him to be institutionalized until he was an adult? Most importantly, why does this experience lead to him becoming an ice cream man himself only to use his position as such to murder people and dogs left and right?
Don’t you worry, by the end of this picture *checks notes* none of these questions will be answered. Who was this ice cream man Gregory saw murdered? Was it his dad? Was it anyone of significance? We don’t question Batman becoming a vigilante after he witnesses a real criminal type murder his parents, but wouldn’t we if it was just some random dude in an alley and he was just walking by? Strangely enough, I myself have witnessed a murder. No, seriously. I was walking down the street when a drive-by happened a few doors down. An old man in a jogging suit was killed in the crossfire. Does this haunt me? Yes. Is it likely I’m going to dress like an old man in a jogging suit everyday from now on and kill random people who, say, love jogging? No, not very likely at all. In fact, you may say that would be totally stupid and crazy.
Well, that’s what we find our protagonist doing just the same. Gregory grows up, he is finally let out of the institution he’s lived in all this time and, bingo, he dresses as an ice cream man and kills people who want ice cream. That’s pretty much it. Is it schticky? Well, let’s just say he makes a giant waffle cone in one scene and serves a dude’s head in it as the ‘scoop,’ so yeah they ride that schtick until the wheels come off. Is it scary? No, not at all. Is it funny? Did you hear what I just said about the scoop head? Of course it’s funny. Is it bizarre? It’s a movie where Clint Howard is a deranged ice cream truck driver who murders people and serves parts of them to customers. Doesn’t get much more bizarre than that. When I said it was one of a kind, I meant it. It is gory, it is funny, it is truly truly strange and I love every single frame.
I suppose it is no wonder that Ice Cream Man is a weird, unique marvel, as it was the one and only non-porn film from director Paul Norman, based on a script he wrote in just three days. See, kids? Anyone can get into the film biz! Here are some wonderful pieces of trivia for you. This movie had a budget nearly twice that of Pulp Fiction, yet was made for insanely cheap. They shot many scenes in the directors house. The asylum scenes were shot in a real abandoned asylum. Many of the actors had to bring their own props and costumes. Sort of makes one wonder how much of the budget ended up in Norman’s pocket. Also, this movie was sponsored by Converse and many of the characters wore Chuck Taylor’s throughout. Imagine being at the screening when they showed the final product to execs? Ha! One last piece of trivia. Clint Howard felt his voice wasn’t gravelly enough, so he’d scream in his car on the way to and from the set. I love this visual so much, the idea of being stuck in traffic on the 405 only to have a screaming Clint Howard in the car next to you in some sort of Good Humor uniform. Good stuff.
At the end of the day, Ice Cream Man gives you all the bonkers fun you’d expect from this sort of weird mid-’90s flick. It’s full of silly, over-sized props and silly, over-sized plots. It has all the upper dutch and fisheye camera shots that made so many ‘90s movies distinct looking. The cherry on top of it all is an over-the-top, fantastic performance by Howard. You simply cannot miss this one. It’s like eyeball ice cream, you just won’t find it anywhere else. You should most certainly see this movie, but finding it won’t be easy. It took me nearly two weeks to find a copy and only succeeded after reaching out to friends. It isn’t streaming anywhere other than Screambox and that is a paid for streaming service. So, head over to the dumpster behind what used to be the local video store in your town and look for a copy of Ice Cream Man today!
Don’t forget to see what’s coming next in the Lousy Lottery. Make sure you tune into Twitter later today and vote for Lousy Lottery 6! My handle is @MrJosh79, look for it and don’t forget to vote!
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