Mike’s Bad Movie Corner- Silent Night Deadly Night 5
There are different levels of horror fans, as I’ve learned. Some prefer the classics, others like moody foreign horror, others prefer their artsy, A24 horror movies, but me…my jam is bad horror movies. The cheesier, the better, and that’s what I’ll be talking about here.
Got a real gem today, Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker (not to be confused with Mentos: The Freshmaker, or K-19: The Widowmaker). This is the final part in the franchise, which has really nothing at all to do with the other entries, which were mostly about a psycho in a Santa suit. This one does have a touch of that, but oh there is so much more.
The film has a very weird tone. First off, it starts out with a kid sneaking downstairs to find a present for him waiting outside, which after he gets berated by his stepfather for opening the door at night, goes upstairs. The stepfather inspects the present, a Santa ornament looking ball thing that proceeds to wrap its rope limbs around the guys face which kills him by making him fall onto a fireplace poker.
From here we get a few plot lines, a mysterious stranger in an army jacket keeps tabs on this family like a wannabe Kyle Reese from Terminator, then we meet the local Toymaker, Joe Petto (played by Hollywood legend Mickey Rooney) and his son Pino, in a very heavy handed Pinocchio riff.
Some more toys are killing people, here and there, some really cool gore effects by Screaming Mad George, who also did effects work on Predator, The Abyss, and Big Trouble In Little China.
The whole thing really comes off as a cross between a Doctor Who and a Criminal Minds episode, until the last five minutes of the movie, when things get super weird, and this is what prompted me to write this so quickly.
Spoilers ahead:
In the last five minutes of the movie, it’s revealed that Pino (Brian Bremer- Pumpkinhead) isn’t a “real boy” after all, but a murderous android, whose motives are never really clear, but he strips his suit revealing his Ken doll like nature downstairs. But his lack of anything down there doesn’t stop him from trying to assault the mother, calling her mommy and dry humping her like a dog in heat. It’s not graphic enough to be disturbing but any rails this movie had on it have completely fallen off by this point, as Pino goes life sized horny Chucky energy crossed with the Terminator.
This movie is a curiosity for so many reasons, the main thing for me, as a movie buff, is that they have Hollywood legend Mickey Rooney in this direct to video horror movie. He lends a bit of gravitas to the proceedings, admittedly, But it’s just weird to see. Much like Orson Welles doing the Transformers movie.
It’s worth watching for that, the ending alone, and the really good practical effects. Also of note is the script was co-written by Brian Yuzna who was also a writer on Honey I Shrunk The Kids.
In the end, you know what you like, if any of this sounds like your kind of a good time, watch it and love it. If you like your movies more traditionally good, then stay far far away from this. As for me this may just be a new holiday classic to add to the canon. It, and some of the others in the franchise are currently streaming free on Tubi right now, or are available wherever you get your movies from.
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