Lousy Lottery 35: Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror
Welcome, friends, to the Lousy Lottery! Here’s how it works. First, I post four movies to a poll on Twitter. Fans vote to pick which movie to make me watch that week. I watch it, review it and spread the word about an amazingly awful, terribly terrific b-horror flick.
This is week 35! This week we get some horrizle up in this bizzle with 2007’s Snoop’s Hood of Horror!
Okay, I’m going to start right out by saying I’m deeply ashamed that I haven’t seen or even heard of this movie before. The description on Wikipedia begins by saying this movie, “is a horror film adaptation of a fictional comic book, which is an anthology of three short stories set in an urban milieu…” An adaptation of a comic book that doesn’t exist? An anthology of horror short stories in the style of Tales from the Crypt, with animated wraparounds? And Snoop produced and stars in it? And it also stars all sorts like Billy Dee Williams, Danny Trejo, Tayshaun Prince, Lamar Odom, Diamond Dallas Page, Ernie Hudson, Method Man, Tucker Smallwood, and Jason Alexander? How? HOW HAVE I NOT SEEN THIS MOVIE?! It’s a like a b-movie fever dream!
Look, I’m going to get to the plot, but here’s the thing. If that description of the plot, the people involved and a cast that includes everyone from authors to athletes to rappers, you’re either in or you’re not. I highly recommend this movie. It’s fun, it’s funny and it’s just totally bizarre. If you’re in and you want to see it, then I highly recommend you wait until after you watch it before you continue reading. Hearing this description and knowing who’s involved, you can probably guess certain things. You know it’s not going to be well acted. You know it’s not going to be well shot. I mean, it has an 11% right now on Rotten Tomatoes. I’m guessing, though, you also know you’re going to love it. So, go watch it, then come back for the plot.
Okay, here we go!
In a great sequence of Boondocks style animation, we see two gangs coming to blows. Devon, played by the one and only Snoop Dogg, corners and confronts the leader of the other gang only to learn that guy is no mere man, but a demon. The demon offers Devon an opportunity. You see, Devon’s sister died during the gunfight. Now the demon says he will bring that sister back to life if Devon will kill himself and become one of the demon’s hounds. Devon agrees to these terms. This premise is fine and all and Devon explains that the more people he kills, the more he grows in strength and knowledge. Yeah, that’s great and all but the rest of the movie doesn’t seem to really need that kind of foundation.
You see, the remainder of the film is a set of three stories. Three stories in which different people receive powers from different Hounds of Hell and how they wield those powers. What does that have to do with Devon killing people and growing more powerful? Meh, who knows? He seems more to be the view from nowhere, the person who can provide the lesson learned in each vignette. We start with Posie.
Posie is a young woman who loves to tag. Her work is all over the hood where she lives. One day, some gangbangers come along and tag over her work. She confronts them and is narrowly saved by a grimy voodoo dude played by Danny Trejo. This guy’s lair is perhaps the best production design in the whole flick. There, for seemingly no reason at all, he bestows upon Posie a power. She soon figures out that her power is to cause the death of others by tagging over their tags. Doesn’t get much more of a hood plotline than that, eh? Her very first victims are the three gangbangers who came after her. Their deaths are perhaps the best of the whole movie. One gets strangled to death by a phone cord. The other one accidentally shoots himself in the dick. The last one? Oh buddy. The last one trips and impales his face on a 40 ounce of malt liquor. Ha!
Like with most spiritual stories, there’s a cost to be paid for this power. Trejo shows back up, but this time he has company. With him are the ghosts of those three dead gangbangers and they want revenge. They kill Posie and use her blood and guts to paint a mural on a wall in the community. It turns out ol’ Trejo was a Hound of Hell as well and was, I guess, getting creative in how he went about harvesting souls. If you have to do it for all eternity, I can see myself getting bored of the same old murders too. So, now we cut back to Devon who waxes poetic about the lessons we just learned and introduces the next segment.
So, now we turn to the story of Tex’s Home for Heroes. Down in Texas a man named Tex has set up a home for older, down and out Vietnam veterans. This is home for them and all is going well, until Tex dies. Little do the residents know that Tex Sr was killed by the racist piece of shit son of his, Tex Jr. After the death of dear old dad, Jr shows up at the home with a cheap Paris Hilton knock off and treats the residents like shit. These residents, by the way, including some Ernie Hudson and author Tucker Smallwood. Jr soon tells them too that he’s kicking them out and shutting down the home. So, now it’s payback time. Led by Hudson, the vets decide it’s time for ol’ Jr. and his lady friend to die. It goes off expectedly, but I can’t pass this one up without mentioning how knockoff Paris died. They shoved a shop vac up her cooch and blew her up like a balloon. Sure, physics may take issue with that, but it was pretty freaking gory and hilarious to watch.
This brings us to our third and final installment in the anthology. SOD and Quon are both rappers trying to make a career take off. SOD is hot right now and Quon stays by his side as support and helps him with his work. A record producer, bizarrely played by Jason Alexander doing a British accent, approaches Quon and offers him a deal if he’ll leave SOD’s crew. Quon passes out of loyalty and this is when Clara shows up in SOD’s life. Clara, by the way, is played by horror royalty Lin Shaye. She seems at first to be there to help SOD, but quickly we see that she’s really a Hound of Hell when she convinces SOD that Quon took the record deal, leading SOD and his manager to kill Quon. Like other Hounds before her, she was clearly just getting creative and shooting for a three part soul deal. You see, as soon as SOD kills Quon, she brings Quon’s ghost back to life to kill SOD and their manager. Sweet sweet justice.
We end things back with Devon. He and the other Hounds are hanging out and reminiscing about what just occurred. They also watch as our various antagonist/protagonists are carted off to hell. The only survivors of the three stories are the vets from Tex’s Home for Heroes, who sit back with Devon and the gang and enjoy watching the others get tortured in hell.
This movie is full of incredible kills and even better cameos. It’s not well written or well acted in the least, but it’s a fun ride while it lasts and you get to see random people like your favorite athletes in a weird Snoop horror movie. On top of it all, it’s an anthology, complete with animated bookends. What more could you ask for? Check it out and let me know what you thought. It’s streaming currently on Tubi.
Thanks for coming along with me on this journey. I hope you got some laughs out of it and scratched your head right along with me. Also, don’t forget to see what’s coming next in the Lousy Lottery. Make sure you tune into Twitter later today and vote for Lousy Lottery 36! My handle is @MrJosh79, look for it and don’t forget to vote!
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