The Abominable - A Wild Fucking Ride
“Rather than a distinct mountain like Mont Blanc or the Matterhorn, Everest seems more like one infinitely huge fang along an impossible barrier of gigantic teeth.”
You know what’s scarier than yetis? Nazis.
Full spoilers ahead so buckle in folx because I’m reviewing The Abominable by Dan Simmons.
Firstly, I do have to let you know I’m obsessed with mountain climbing. Not in the sense that I would ever do it, but that I love reading/watching documentaries about people who climb mountains like K2 and Everest. It takes a certain type of person to want to do something so intense as climb a giant mountain that’s trying to kill you, and I’m fascinated by those people. I’m also related to Edmund Hillary, one of the first men (along with Tenzing Norgay) to summit Mount Everest (at least, the first person confirmed to do so). So, mountain climbing is in my blood, but it’s been watered down over the years and reached my lazy ass giving me a fascination but not the actual urge to do it. Love you Hillary, you glorious bastard!
So, what’s the story here?
The Abominable is one of those sort of mockumentary type stories where the lead character is “real”. Obviously, they’re not real. But they’re “real”. Does that make sense? Sorry, it’s been like 6 months since I’ve written a review.
Set in 1925, this story follows three climbers who are set to climb Everest and find the remains of a young man who supposedly died on the mountain the year before. They’re also going to attempt to summit Everest. BUT – they’re not actually allowed to be there. In 1924 George Mallory and Sandy Irvine attempted the climb and perished, there was a whole political situation going on (don’t get me started, I’ll write four pages of history, go look it up), and now there’s no attempts allowed. So, this group of three join up with the cousin of the deceased climber and secretly head to Everest. Once on the mountain, things start going insane and the group believe they’re being tracked by something possibly out of this world.
BUT…guess what? It’s not a yeti, or a group of yetis as the book leads you to believe….wait, what’s a group of yetis called?
Just googled it, turns out it’s a flurry.
That’s adorable.
I digress, they are actually being hunted by….A GROUP OF FREAKIN NAZIS. Why? Because the dead climber was actually a spy who was holding onto some very incriminating photos of Hitler. Like….REALLY INCRIMINATING photos. We’re talking underage Jewish men.
Told from the perspective of the American climber, Simmons puts himself in the story. Simmons meets with this climber who then shares his real story with the writer, who then publishes it as this novel. Hence, the mockumentary vibes.
It’s fucking wild. I’m not entirely sure this book would’ve gotten published today, while 2013 doesn’t feel that long ago, it really was a long time ago.
“Good night, gentlemen,” she says softly. “We leave for Mount Everest at dawn.”
Book Mood Board - all images from weheartit
Thoughts:
This is a reallllll slow burn horror where Simmons uses ALL his words and ALL his knowledge of mountain climbing. As a mountain climbing nerd, I loved it. I loved picking out all the true facts from the fictionalized stuff and it was honestly pretty impressive how much he got in. But I cannot warn you enough – this is a SLOW burn. The group don’t even get to the mountain until like half way through this 663 page book. But I loved it.
Character wise – loved our trio (Deacon, Jake and Jean-Claude) and loved the addition of the cousin Reggie. She’s a real bad ass, entrepreneur, pants wearing in the ‘20s, takes no shit from no man, woman. The combination of a World War One veteran, a French guide, and a young, kind of dumb American trying to survive on a mountain is pretty great. It’s hard not to love all of them despite their many…MANY…flaws.
Mountain climbing in the ‘20s sounds like a freakin’ nightmare. You could not pay me enough to climb somewhere like Everest nowadays, but back in the ‘20s? I would give my kidney to not go anywhere near it. The equipment is so rough. They’re literally just wearing like 4 layers of wool sweaters while slowly dying at Camp Four. I will give Simmons credit that the way he writes about these climbers surviving on the mountain with the menial equipment available is really well done. I felt panicked reading certain parts of this story just imagining what the reality would be of climbing in this level of equipment.
The twists and turns? Honestly, I kind of wish it was yetis. While it is always wild to find out it was Nazis all along, this story was not realllllly handled with the best of care. I know a lot of research went into this book about pre-World War Two Germany, but just…yeah….it’s a lot of “is he allowed to write this?!”
Charlie Chaplin and Winston Churchill show up at one point….
Overall, I did enjoy my time in this world, I did love a lot of the characters, and I nerded out hella hard.
But who do I recommend this for? Massive mountain climbing nerds. Like the type of nerds who will read a 600 page book about mountain climbing facts. For historical slow burn horror fans, you’ll love this shit.
Trigger warnings all across the board here: child abuse and sexual assault, racism, death, suicide. (As always, please do your own research before diving in – check out storygraph where readers can leave trigger warnings in great detail)
“I assume…no more…pretend yetis,” gasped the Deacon…
“No,” agreed Dr. Pasang. “It is just men murdering men now.”
