Bud and Dave Do Housewife...
So, I’m scrolling through Shudder and I come across this movie Housewife with a wild cosmic looking poster with a lady holding baby and giant tentacles and I instantly thought,
“Oh snap, I gotta watch this!”
And damn am I glad I did! Not knowing what to expect I sat back to watch it. The film opens with a little girl who has her period and so her mother drowns her in the toilet…
“Whoa wtf! Housewife is crazy! Check it out”
This is the message that I sent to my secret, private, Horror Bound chat group where all the writers of this fine site chit chat about horror or more commonly, they listen to me ramble on about conspiracy theories and astral projection. This night was different, this night I was going to ramble about Housewife, and Dave joined in with me.
This is a fairly insane film that blends aspects of Hellraiser and In the Mouth of Madness with a dash of apocalyptic, lovecraftian doomsday cults. The film focuses on Holly, the sister of the toilet drowned girl who’s all grown up and is going to some bizarre self help seminar being hosted by a cult called The Family who ensures us, “It’s not supernatural, we’re naturally super.” Cringe. Her whole life begins to spin out of control and reality is twisted and bent as she moves from waking dream to waking dream, constantly haunted by ooey gooey nightmare monsters from her past.
At 82 minutes long there is a lot jam packed into this film but the highlights are the opening 10 minutes with toilet murder and the final 15 minutes which had me screaming in chat:
“DAVVEEEEE”
“DAVE WTF ARE WE WATCHING!!”
Chock full of evil jawa cult members, a defacing that would make Leatherface proud, instant satanic voodoo pregnancy, slimy cockroach squid baby birth and an invasion of space bound tentacle demon monsters that looks similar to the end scene in Hellboy.
Act now, don't hesitate to watch this absolutely insane film today! From Can Evrenol, director of Baskin, a wild ride of Lovecraftian insanity that you will absolutely love.
5 tentacles for this awesome film
Wednesday night. Nothing really going on. I’m lurking in our super-secret chat room over at HB headquarters and I read Bud’s reactions to the opening scene of Housewife. I paraphrase, but it went something like: Bro. Bro. BRO. What the hell is happening right now?? Now, I don’t usually dive in when I see reactions like that, and trust me, with this group, it happens occasionally. I make a note of what they’re watching and try to watch it later. But let’s face it, I’m home, not going anywhere, and ain’t got shit to do. So, I tuned in, fired up Shudder and allowed the trip to begin.
Opening scene may be the most intense scene since Belzebuth. Not in the shear brutality sense, but the immediate dark, tense setting sense. From the toilet to the ceremonial dagger wielding mother screaming about strangers in their house and dad getting some non-elective cosmetic surgery to his face, the first ten minutes of this movie almost set the stage for the insanity that follows.
And insanity does ensue. That is about the only way I can put into words what happens. The tension is set throughout the movie, but once the couple’s ex-lover shows up to invite them to a fancy “seminar”, shit goes downhill. Fast. I honestly thought it was some kind of self-help, multi-level marketing meeting, but then it turned into a magic/hypnosis show where the participants aren’t “supernatural, just naturally super.” Love it. Once Holly is chosen to participate as the evening’s special guest, we are taken through an Inception-like dream-within-a-dream hyperloop with the influences Bud had mentioned with a little Haunting of Hill House thrown in. We learn that no one really knows how to use an umbrella; Holly has significant plumbing problems everywhere; “That is not how babies are made”; and how often the Dwight Schrute ham face gif can be used in one chatroom reaction conversation.
It ends perfectly for what this movie set out to do and did not leave me (or Bud, hell, even Zo showed up for an encore performance of HB Reaction-piece Theater. TM) disappointed. The only way I can do it justice is by once again paraphrasing our conversation at the end.
Dude.
Dude?
DUDE!
BRO WTF.
I DON’T KNOW!
DUDE.
Watch this movie!
5 Dwight Scrute Ham Face Gifs/5
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