Lousy Lottery #4 - Ghoulies
Welcome, friends, to the Lousy Lottery! Here’s how it works. First, I post four movies to a poll on Twitter. Fans vote to pick which movie to make me watch that week. I watch it, review it and spread the word about an amazingly awful, terribly terrific b-horror flick.
This is week four! This week’s wonder is 1985’s extended potty joke, Ghoulies!
This certified cult classic was an absolute favorite of childhood me. I even had a poster of it on my wall. You just can’t beat a good horror poster that doubles as a toilet joke. Yes, please! For those who may have missed this gem, allow me to tell the tale.
Our story begins like any good mid-‘80s story, with a satanic ritual. Want to know how to instantly shock and scare an audience in 1985? Bring the devil into the mix. A cult leader is doing a ritual that requires a sacrifice. Little Jonathan seems a perfect victim, but his mom steps in and volunteers as tribute. So, instead of dying, young Jonathan just gets to watch his mom die. Good times. 20 years later, in perhaps the least trauma-informed series of events ever, we learn Jonathan is dating that cult leader’s daughter, that said cult leader has died and the daughter has inherited the very house in which Jonathan was almost sacrificed. He goes with his girlfriend to the house and thinks it’ll just be a lark if they do a little satanic ritual just for shits and giggles.
Beyond being very ill advised from a psychological standpoint, it also just so happens to unleash these wee ghoulies upon the world. Jonathan decides to cast a spell upon them, as one does, to become their master. It works so well, he decides to summon a few more little bastards and casts the same spell over them. He takes things a bit too far and inadvertently summons that cult leader back from the beyond as well. Malcolm, the cult leader, isn’t the sharing type and fights to take control of the ghoulies. He then orders them to kill Jonathan and his friends. Who will the ghoulies follow? Who will win in this epic showdown?
This movie is tons of ooey, gooey, gory fun. It doesn’t take itself very seriously at all and is just the sort of creature feature that made this period of horror a blast. In fact, it and Gremlins were in development at the same time. When the makers of Ghoulies learned of how similar the two movies were in terms of look, plot and effects, they full on sued the Gremlins production. They were making headway and got an injunction, but then ran out of money, forcing them to stop both the lawsuit and the production. Gremlins, thus, came out first and from then on Ghoulies had the reputation of being a blatant rip off of the very movie they felt was stealing from them. An unfortunate turn of events to say the least.
Gremlins went on to make buckets full of cash, while Ghoulies failed. Gremlins became a classic, while Ghoulies, to this day, has a 0% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Long story short, they were shafted but also somewhat earned the bad reputation. You don’t get that 0% by being Citizen Kane. Dear reader, I doubt you were hoping for Citizen Kane, so know I don’t mean this as detterent.
It’s true, Ghoulies isn’t a classic, but it’s tons of big hair, satanic panic, mid-’80s fun and I absolutely love the mucus-ladened little monsters. How could you not enjoy a lighthearted romp through a world of cults and monsters?! This was the directorial debut of writer/director Luca Bercovici, who would go on to direct such hits as Rockula and The Granny. It stars no one you have ever heard of, except Law and Order: SVU’s Mariska Hargitay and Jack Nance, that guy who is in every David Lynch movie ever. In a strange bit of trivia, this movie was edited by famed horror director Ted Nicolaou (TerrrorVision, Dungeonmaster).
The real magic is in the creature effects. With a shoestring budget and only five weeks for pre-production, the practical effects are iconic. The creatures are gooey and great and truly memorable. This was the first film for legendary special effects make-up artist Anthony Allen Barlow, who would go on to do incredible work on movies like Tremors, Total Recall and Se7en. The ghoulies themselves were created by one of the most important duo’s in the history of horror effects, John and Lynn Buechler. This couple is responsible for the effects in just about every major and minor horror movie of the ‘80s and ‘90s, having worked on a number of franchises including Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th and Re-Animator. They are frankly horror legends. In fact, it seems like half the effects team went on to reach legend status and considering Ghoulies was either most of their first projects or one of the first, this team is nothing short of a miracle.
In the end, you get a corny ‘80s satanic panic flick about the dangers of dueling with the devil, but that corny plot is surrounded by some of the better practical effects of the era. It’s a shame it got swept under the rug of time. All the more reason to give it a go now. Ghoulies doesn’t seem to be streaming anywhere, so look for it in the basement of your weird older cousins house or in the dumpster behind what used to be your local Blockbuster. Whatever you do, find it. You won’t be sorry.
Don’t forget to see what’s coming next in the Lousy Lottery. Make sure you tune into Twitter later today and vote for Lousy Lottery 5! My handle is @MrJosh79, look for it and don’t forget to vote!
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