Lousy Lottery #5 - The Monster Squad!
Welcome, friends, to the Lousy Lottery! Here’s how it works. First, I post four movies to a poll on Twitter. Fans vote to pick which movie to make me watch that week. I watch it, review it and spread the word about an amazingly awful, terribly terrific b-horror flick.
This is week five! This week brings us a veritable classic for anyone who was a kid in the ‘80s. I’m speaking, of course, of 1987’s horror essential: The Monster Squad!
The Monster Squad is a load-bearing wall for the foundation of any worthy horror fan’s fandom. It’s gateway horror. That kind of movie that you see as a kid and it’s part of what hooks you into the genre. For those growing up in the ‘80s, movies like this and Beetlejuice hooked us. For ‘90s kids, it was stuff like Hocus Pocus or Halloweentown. For the current batch of youngsters it’s stuff like Goosebumps. It seems every generation has movies that are pretty tame but just spooky enough to raise some of the hair on the back of your neck. These movies tend to mix the spooky with the silly.
They’re often cheesy and goofy but well made enough to leave a lasting impression. For millions, The Monster Squad was their gateway horror. With a script by Shane Black (Lethal Weapon, The Nice Guys) and Fred Dekker (Night of the Creeps, House II), it is certainly no wonder the movie was good enough to leave a lasting impression. Although it is a wonder how they made a movie written and directed by these two and didn’t bill them as Black and Dekker, but that’s another matter. For those few of you who haven’t seen it, here are the basics.
A group of friends hang out to discuss all things monsters and comics. They love the odd, the macabre and the creepy. Sean’s treehouse serves as the perfect place to talk about scary movies and the occult. One day, Sean finds an old book that appears to be an original diary of Van Helsing, an ultimate find for a fan of all things monster. The only problem is it’s all written in German. Well, sure, it’s also a story problem that this diary somehow ended up in Baton Rouge, Louisiana or into the hands of a child, but, you know, don’t think too much about it, okay?
It just so happens their town has a ‘scary old German guy’ who they think can translate. You know, because he’s German and it’s written in German. They muster up enough courage and finally approach him. Sure enough, he can translate it and much to their surprise, they learn some very pertinent news therein. Why, it just so happens the info they learn concerns things that were afoot at that very moment! In very 80’s fashion, of course, they get an Italian actor to play the ‘German guy’ and reduce the character to being little more than a so-called ‘scary’ foreigner. Again, though, let’s skip right past that, shall we?
The diary reveals that 100 years before in that very spot, Dracula nearly succeeded in summoning an allstar team of monsters with his sights set on using those monsters to take over the world. Why he’s set on taking over the world isn’t really explained and, in all honesty, doesn’t make much sense for a famously reclusive creature like a vampire, but that’s the plan. The diary then says he was thwarted, yes, but that he plans to give it another go in 100 years. Now the squad of monster-loving nerds are the most knowledgeable team in town on just how to beat these bastards. Can they convince the adults that Dracula is real? Can they convince them to take the count’s plot seriously enough to launch a real response? Or are they just going to have to take these ghouls on themselves?
So many kids movies of the ‘80s invented one device after another to allow the kids to be the hero. How can we craft this story in a way that eliminates the parents and puts the burden on these kids? This seems to be the core question for most ‘80s family movie script writers. In this case, it’s basically just the silliness of the idea that keeps most of the adults at bay. They just don’t buy it. Whatever the cliché reason, what we get is a situation where kids are the one’s kicking the ass and shooting the guns. As an adult watching this movie, I rolled my eyes at this idea. As a kid, however, it felt empowering and like I really could take down a werewolf or Frankenstein’s monster. This is, of course, why they did it that way and why so many movies of that era were set in the suburbs. They knew who would be watching it and crafted a story accordingly.
Sure, it’s not perfect. The plot, for example, is very thin in the logic department. Hell, in the commentary Fred Dekker comes right out and says he’s still not sure what Dracula’s plan was or how the monsters help with it. The movie also certainly has a few culturally insensitive moments I wish weren’t in there. Yes, it has it’s flaws. What makes up for those flaws is some fantastic creature effects, great chemistry among the cast and that Shane Black script. If you’ve seen any of his movies from Lethal Weapon to Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang to Iron Man 3, you know his movies are fun, funny and full of heart and action in equal measures. In other words, Black knows how to entertain and brings that skill to play in The Monster Squad big time. Director Fred Dekker is a self professed horror nerd and the combination of these two talents, Black and Dekker baby, made for some magic.
So, if you’re hankering for some nostalgic monster goodness, head over to Prime and watch The Monster Squad. It’s funny, it’s a blast and it’s chock full of classic monsters. Now, how about some Monster Squad trivia. Liam Neeson had a role and was even paid for it, but the role was written out of the script before shooting even began. Dustin Diamond (aka Screech) also had a part, but his was fully shot. They just cut it out of the movie altogether. See you at Bayside, Screech! Watch for tons of classic horror easter eggs too. Here are two as a starter. The plane Dracula rides in is a Browning, a reference to Tod Browning who directed the classic Universal Dracula. The human’s face that becomes the werewolf is modeled on legendary effects artist Stan Winston. How many horror references can you find? The Monster Squad was clearly written by fans, for fans. If that’s your kind of jam, and I assume it is, you definitely want to cross this one off your horror bucket list if you haven’t seen it. You could also do what I did when preparing for this article and watch it with your kids. A new batch of ghouls, ready to be groomed.
Don’t forget to see what’s coming next in the Lousy Lottery. Make sure you tune into Twitter later today and vote for Lousy Lottery 6! My handle is @MrJosh79, look for it and don’t forget to vote!
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