B MOVIE BLOCKBUSTERS: SNOWBEAST
BACK OF THE VHS BLURB:
A made-for-TV terror! At a Colorado ski resort known for its winter festival, a mainly off screen yeti finds a way to not only ruin the festival, but also nab a solid body count. The movie itself boasts kills that can only be described as scenes meant to lead into commercial break and the most effective use of a ski pole as a weapon you may ever see.
MOVIE: Snowbeast
YEAR: 1977
DIRECTOR: Herb Wallerstein
CAST: Bo Svenson, Yvette Mimieux, Robert Logan, Clint Walker, Sylvia Sidney
B-MOVIE HIGHLIGHTS:
Okay, this one is something else. Jaws, actually. On a ski resort in Colorado. No joke. Several plot points can be seen as a direct copy of Jaws which had just come out recently as well. Also, this movie flaunts in made-for-television nature, with most kills being alluded to in clear breaks for commercial where the last frame remains frozen and a blood red tint cascades over it. But, with that being said, it’s the best damn yeti version of Jaws you will ever see.
We start with our typical first kill, a sexy skier decides to go off on her own for a bit and I know this may seem like a stretch, but she is fucking killed by the "snowbeast". We don't get a lot of shots of the snowbeast, mainly some POV shots of it lurking menacingly and rushing to its victims, and the occasional white hairy paw on a tree trunk. Maybe this is a yeti Giallo, I dunno, that's too much for my brain to try to comprehend.
So, in the first Jaws-off, a lone blond off in nature by herself is killed, and is now missing. Just wait, this will pile up more than you think. We then fast forward to our main characters as Gar Seberg (Bo Svenson) and his wife Ellen (Yvette Mimieux) arrive at the resort, Gar looking for work. His former glory as a gold medal Olympian hasn't panned out and now he is forced to beg for work as a ski instructor. He is eventually able to land the job, but honestly no one cares. We need more snowbeast, and pronto. Thankfully, we get another commercial break kill as a good Samaritan search and rescue bro gets the old yeti palm to the face.
With bodies piling up, the resort owner (the legendary Sylvia Sidney) doesn't want any news of the missing skiers to hurt the upcoming Snow Carnival. Sound familiar? Yeah, we got more Jaws parallels coming in quicker than you can say, "we're gonna need a bigger resort".
So, as Gar is told of the missing people and the discovery of bloody clothes, Gar is given the job of finding the beast and stopping it so the Snow Carnival can go on. Sadly, Olympic gold in skiing does not translate to the ability to quickly catch a yeti. Things escalate as the yeti attacks the Snow Carnival, in what I have to assume is a random high school gym on the property of a ski resort. Sounds normal, right? I've never been to Colorado, but maybe that's just a thing there. Anyway, we finally get a few good shots of the yeti and realize why he's got little screen time, as he looks a bit shabby and ragged. Eventually he kills the Snow Carnival Queen's mom (random, right?) and the cat is out of the bag. Again, Jaws did it on the 4th of July, Snowbeast did it in cold weather.
We also get treated to a just amazing scene. Apparently, our yeti has been using a vacant cabin as a natural fridge, and as some tourists drive up the cabin, their young prick of a son rushes in and has his bastard attitude turned to revulsion as he walks back out horrified. We get a silly shot of what seems to be a shitty packing job done by the yeti of the first victim, as she is just stuffed into a large metal tub, limbs all over the place, looking like last nights take out box of chow mein.
Eventually, the hunt is on, and by on, I mean, I think they were kinda trying to maybe find the yeti with some light reconnaissance. The yeti racks up another solid commercial break kill of the town sheriff, after knocking the yeti hunting van over with a conveniently placed stack of logs. We finally hit the payoff, as Gar and Ellen catch up with the yeti. Now here is where it gets truly great. They shoot the yeti with a gun. The yeti still rallies against them. But then, Gar goes back to his Olympic ski training and IMPALES THE YETI WITH A SKI POLE. Somehow, someway, that was what killed the yeti. Not the gunshot. Nope. Gar used a ski pole, it was super effective.
Yeah, that was Snowbeast, or also known as Jaws Of Colorado. A winter delight for anyone looking for a yeti movie that has just as much cringe as corpses. Still super fun, and worth a view regardless as a B-MOVIE BLOCKBUSTER.
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