NaNoWriMo - The End
Day 29 (8:00 AM): Word count: 23,333
Day 30 (8:00 PM): Word count: 52,059
The above word count stats are not typos. You did not miss a post last week. I had 23,000 on the 16th and when I woke up on the 29th, not a single new word had been written in nearly two weeks. I quit writing. I could easily blame it on work or the holiday, but those had nothing to do with it. I just stopped. But I still had a story to tell. I had a commitment to this piece for Horror Bound and a commitment to the students I suckered… er, I mean encouraged to participate.
So, I sat down on Friday morning still fighting off the food coma from the Thanksgiving holiday and wrote. I made a plan, set a goal, and wrote. One hour of non-stop words with 15 to 30 minutes rest in between sessions. I had no idea if I would succeed, but I had to try it. A little under 36 hours later, I had 29,000 new words written and I got this sweet little banner for my efforts:
So - what happened? What had stifled my creativity and caused me to lose my writing mojo? The answer – Me, I did. I am the only one to blame.
I wrote a few weeks ago about imposter syndrome and how us creative types battle perpetually with our inner editor, the inner critic that makes us doubt ourselves. I succumbed to it. I got bogged down in the muddy, murky middle and stopped. My story was going nowhere, and I felt that I was writing and rewriting the same scene repeatedly. The scenes didn’t excite me anymore. The spooky stuff I was writing wasn’t working. I thought it wasn’t effective in setting tension, the conflict was boring, and I was quite literally ready to throw the entire story away; delete the file and move onto the next project. Though it was dim, the spark of the creative was still there. I could feel it, but I just couldn’t see it, couldn’t harness it and evoke the words. The spark was there. The desire was not.
There was another reason behind the screeching halt of my story though. Fear. This fear had nothing to do with my ability or the effectiveness of the scenes I was writing. It was my first draft, or as I call it – Draft Zero. I knew what I was writing was most likely incoherent, inconsistent, incongruous shit. I jumped from scene to scene, time traveled, changed characters’ names; hell, I still don’t have names for some of my characters and I am well on the way through the 3rd act. So, what was I afraid of?
I wasn’t afraid of success. As I said before, what I have written now is most likely a large, stinking heap of trash; but I know it won’t stay that way once the editing begins. And it wasn’t fear of failure. I have files full of stories that I started and left hanging and email folders with rejection letters from attempted submissions.
So, what was it? Looking back, I think I was afraid of finishing. I was afraid of completing the story that I have spent the better part of 2 years developing. Why? I can’t honestly say. It’s hard to explain. As a creative, I put a little bit of myself in my writing. I think most of us do that. Early on I used to describe my novel as “a horror story loosely based on real events.” I still think of it that way. Maybe I thought if I finished the book, I would be letting go of a big piece of myself. I wish I had an answer for this, but I do not. As I said above, it’s hard to explain. If any of you reading this have experience with this, please reach out, I’d love to hear what you have to say.
I suppose the important part is that I was able to get out of the funk. The morning of the 29th dawned and I had a beast of an endeavor before me. I wrote. I typed. I hammered away on my keyboard and ignored almost everything else. I put the doubt that had plagued me for the prior 2 weeks aside and I told my story. And at the end of the day on the 30th, I “won.” Over 50,000 words in 30 days. The story is still incomplete, there is still more story to tell. But it’s almost over and the next story is right around the corner, creeping and ready to pounce.
If you participated in NaNoWriMo 2019 and reached the summit of the 50K in 30 days, congratulations – it is no easy feat! If you did not meet your goal, I would like to congratulate you as well. You attempted something that so many would-be authors did not, would not, or could not. 40K, 25K, 3K, or maybe only one 600-word scene – you are closer to finishing your story than you were at the beginning of the month.
There is no failure in the NaNoWriMo world, I truly believe that. Any new or edited words that you created this month are good words. They might not be the best, and most of them will change as you edit and refine your novel, but you started; and honestly, that is the hardest step to take in my opinion. So, good for you, you should be proud of committing to the endeavor.
This month has been quite the journey. I thank you if you have come along all month, and I hope you took something away to help you with your storytelling. I invite you to come along next year and join in this insanity with me again. There is a story in there, crawling to the surface, burrowing its way through your brain begging to be let loose on the world. Prepare it, feed it, fuel that creative fire that your idea dances around. November 2020 will be here before you know it.
Until then, lines of communication are always open. Give us a shout over at our contact page or contact me directly over on the Twitter. I really enjoyed interacting with those that reached out and I hope my words helped in some way. If I can leave you with one last bit of encouragement it would be this – keep writing, keep going, tell the story you want to tell, and don’t stop until it’s free. Someone somewhere needs the tale you have to tell. Please give it to them. And I cannot wait to read it too. Until next time folks – stay spooky and happy writing.
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