Vigil by Mike Franey
Silence filled the room, punctuated now and then by a series of beeps or drawn out tones. Tubes ran every which way, to and from IVs and PICC lines, hooked into machines with unknown functions. Tim couldn’t make sense of it all. He was scared. Confused. He had forgotten how he ended up in the hospital room in the first place. There had been a phone call and then his world came crashing down. Things were muddy after that. The only thing he knew was that those machines and tubes were attached to the woman he loved.
He held her hand tightly and fought back the tears. Her skin was pale, the warmth in her cheeks gone. Even her hair, which usually fell in gold ringlets around her face, had lost its shine. But she held on. And so did Tim. Barely.
“Tiff,” he whispered, hoping she could hear him. “Come back to me. Please.” A subtle rise in her chest from a shallow breath was her only response. Tim wanted to be angry. He wanted to hit something. He wanted to find the drunk piece of shit who did this to her. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t find the strength to be angry. As much as he wanted to feel something else, fear was the only emotion his heart could muster. Talking seemed to help. So he talked. “Remember when we first met? You were working the service desk. I was in the shop. I’d find any excuse to come talk to you. I’d pretend to lose a work order or come ask you a question I already knew the answer to, just to get a minute with you.”
Tim laughed. It felt like so long ago. He had fallen in love the first time he saw her. Too shy to say anything. How could she ever be attracted to him? Not with the way his gut spilled over his belt, or with his grease-stained and calloused hands. She was soft and pretty; he was hard and ugly.
“Remember I started making you those stupid origami animals?” Tim recalled. “Every night, I’d go online and learn a different one. I’d spend hours and hours finding patterns and folding. I must’ve gone through a forest’s worth of paper. I could never find the words. So I thought maybe you’d get the hint.”
Tiff didn’t respond. Tim chastised himself for thinking she would. she couldn’t hear him. Her body was present but she was somewhere far away, she might not make it back. Tim went quiet. He sat there, his hand in hers. He stayed as long as he could bear it. Eventually, the nurse came to take Tiff’s vitals and told him it was time for him to go. Tim kissed Tiff’s forehead and whispered, “I’ll see ya tomorrow.”
*
Tim stepped out into the cool night air and took a deep breath. It felt good to be out of the hospital. The smell of disinfectant mixed with God-knows-what tended to linger on the nose and at the back of the throat. To clear the stench, Tim lit a cigarette and took a long drag. The smoke filled his lungs and the stress melted away. At least a little bit.
“Hard isn’t it?” came a voice off to the side. Tim closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. The last thing he wanted to do was talk. Tim turned to face his tormentor. He was surprised to see a man, probably middle-aged, in a tailored suit. His dark hair was slicked back, wide smile across his faceThings clicked then. A shrink, Tim thought to himself. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about his feelings. Not right now.
“Excuse me?” Tim finally said.
“It’s hard having a loved one in the hospital. The stress. The worry. It’s a lot to handle,” replied the stranger.
“If you say so.”
“I do. I can help.”
Tim’s suspicions were confirmed. The man was some sort of doctor. Some hospital appointed know-it-all with a fancy degree. He would tell him that things would be okay. That there were people here to support him. That he wasn’t alone. It was all bullshit.
“I’m not a therapist. Or a psychiatrist,” the stranger said, as if he could hear Tim’s thoughts, “but I can help you. With the snap of my finger, I can make things right.”
Tim snorted. He wasn’t a doctor like he thought, just a nutcase. The guy was crazy, but hid it behind a fancy suit and expensive haircut. Tim tossed his butt and started walking away.
“Whatever, buddy.”
“Why don’t you sleep on it?”
Tim didn’t turn back, nor did he answer. He just kept walking, got in his truck, and peeled out of the hospital parking lot. The stranger watched him until his tail lights faded away.
*
The next day Tim was back in Tiff’s room when visiting hours started. He took his usual seat at Tiff’s side. He studied her face. Did she look worse? Or the same? Tim couldn’t tell. He had barely slept after leaving the hospital. He laid in bed, stared at the ceiling, and worried. At least in the hospital he could be with her while he stared and worried.
Time ran together. Seconds were minutes. Minutes were hours and hours went by in a blink. But after an indeterminate amount of time, there was a knock on the door. Expecting a doctor or a nurse, Tim was shocked to see it was the stranger from the night before.
“Listen pal, I really can’t deal with you right now.” Tim got to his feet and moved toward the door. The stranger held up his hands as a sign of peace. Something about the gesture made Tim stop in his tracks.
“I only came to ask you if you had reconsidered my offer.” The stranger flashed his smile again, like the night before. This time though, it didn’t seem friendly. It seemed hungry. Starved. Tim gulped cartoonishly, put off by the jackal-like grin. Tim sat back down.
“Please leave,” Tim said.
“Tim, just hear me out. That’s all I ask.” Tim didn’t remember telling the stranger his name. His brain was so scrambled he could have told the guy his social security number and he wouldn’t remember. Tim gave a slight nod and sat back down. The stranger took a seat on the other side of Tiff’s bed.
“You love her,” said the stranger.
“Of course I do. She’s my wife.”
“Not every man loves his wife. But you do. You have since the moment you saw her. You’d kill for her. You’d die for her.”
“Anything. Anything for Tiff. That’s the way it’s always been. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“I’m sure she’d say the same thing about you.”
“I hope so.”
“So, my question to you Tim, is why don’t you do something to save her? All you have to do is say the word and I can fix it all.”
“Is this some sort of religious thing? If it is, with all due respect, we’ve never kept any sort of religion.”
The stranger laughed. He stretched out and leaned back in the chair. It was so casual, like he was sitting in a living room and not a hospital room with a comatose woman on the bed next to him.
“It’s not a religious thing, Tim. I’m not here to save her soul, or yours. What I offer is more...transactional.”
“Oh yeah? You want me to buy some miracle cure, is that it? I know snake oil salesman when I see one.”
“It’s not money I want, either.”
“So what do you want, then?”
The stranger licked his lips, and rose from his seat and looked down at Tiff. Tim shivered. “I will tell you the price. It’s only fair that I be forthcoming if our transaction is to proceed. The price is her memory. Her memories of you. Her memories of her love. That is all I want.” Tim scoffed, rose and pointed at the door. “I think it’s time for you to leave,” he growled. The stranger nodded and walked to the door. He stopped on the threshold and turned back. His carnivorous smile was even wider, hungrier, as if he enjoyed the hunt.
“I’ll ask you one more time. Tomorrow. Take the night to think about it.”
After the stranger left, Tim took Tiff’s hand and looked down at her. He could see now she was starting to get worse. Her body, broken by the car that hit her, could only endure so much.
“I can’t live without you, Tiff. I can’t do it. Please, stay strong. You have to. For me.”
Tears streaked down Tim’s face. He couldn’t bear to think of his life without her. A world without her was one he wanted no part of.
*
Tim stirred from a fitful sleep. He had dozed off sometime in the night. The nurses, taking pity on him, let him sleep. The sun rose behind a haze of grey clouds. Tim stood up and stretched. He looked down again at his wife and wished he could trade places with her. He wished he was the one lying there dying. Tiff was strong. She would have known what to do if the situation was reversed. But Tim didn’t know. He never knew. The only thing he was ever sure of was how much he loved Tiff. And now, that love wasn’t enough. Love couldn’t save her.
He sat with her all day and into the evening. He found a scrap sheet of paper and folded it absentmindedly. When it was done he laid it on the table beside her bed. While folding, he made a decision. He questioned his own sanity, but he was desperate. He had nothing to lose. He just had to wait for the stranger to visit.
As if summoned, the stranger appeared at the door. His smile was even hungrier, verging on feral. In the waning light, his eyes seemed to glow red.
“I’m back to ask once more. This is it. This is your last chance.”
Tim bowed his head and thought. He didn’t really believe the stranger. No one had the power to save Tiff now, that was becoming clear. But what did he have to lose? He agrees to the stranger’s deal and nothing happens. Tiff still dies. He doesn’t agree and nothing happens. Tiff still dies.
“I’ve been standing vigil here for weeks. She hasn’t gotten any better. Every doctor in the hospital has been through here, but you say you can bring her back?”
“Vigils are for the dead, Tim. Tiff’s not dead. Not yet.” Tim balled his fists. He hated feeling so powerless. He felt so stupid, so useless. “I’ll do it. I agree. Whatever the magic word is, I say it,” Tim said. The stranger looked as if he was about to dance. He hurried into the room.
“Excellent. Excellent! All it takes is a handshake. Tiff will return to the world as if nothing happened. Her memories, mine. But what a small price to pay, don’t you think?”
Tim stood and slowly offered his hand. “She won’t remember me at all? Nothing from our life together? None of it?” Tim asked.
“Unfortunately, no. But as I said, it’s a small price.”
“It is. And if she fell in love with me once, she can again.” The stranger didn’t answer. But there was something in the smile, something lurking behind his eyes, that turned Tim’s stomach. Too late. The stranger grabbed his hand and shook it hard.
“The deal is struck,” the stranger said. Tim looked over at Tiff but nothing happened. She looked the same. Tim couldn’t believe his own stupidity. Of course nothing was happening. He was talking to some whacko who thought he could heal somebody with the snap of a finger, or the shake of a hand. Just then an unspeakable pain shot through Tim. He collapsed to the floor on his hands and knees.
“What- what’s happening?” Tim struggled to speak through the pain.
“There is one thing I forgot to mention. The universe requires balance, and for Tiff to live someone must take her place. But like you said, Tim. She’ll be fine. She knows how to take care of herself. And you won’t have to live in a world without the woman of your dreams.” Tim crumpled to the floor. His chest heaved as he struggled for breath. Color drained from his face. The light left his eyes. And the stranger smiled.
*
Tiffany Sauer woke up a week later, while a nurse was taking her vitals. Her body was completely healed. The nurse marveled at how lucky she was. “A miracle,” she declared. Tiff didn’t say a word. She just stared in confusion. She looked down at the bedside table and picked up the origami crane that sat upon it.
“What’s that?” asked the nurse.
“I don’t know,” answered Tiff.
Tiff let the crane drop from her hands and fall. It bounced off the top of the table and into the waste bin.
“Have I had any visitors?” Tiff asked a moment later, forgetting the crane completely.
“Sorry, hun, I don’t think so. Do you want me to call someone?”
“No, that’s okay,”Tiff said. “I- I don’t know why I asked. There’s no one to call.”
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