B-MOVIE BLOCKBUSTERS - EFFECTS
BACK OF THE VHS BLURB:
This horror film that is about a horror film that actually isn't a horror film but is in reality a snuff film will have you knowing more about low budget productions than you will ever want to know. As the cast works with minimal effort to create what seems to be a just awful horror film, the true reason for them being there is revealed that what is actually happening is some avant-garde horror action snuff film of sorts, and if you ever wanted to see Tom Savini drunk and wearing an umbrella hat, this is the movie for you.
So...WTF did I just watch?
MOVIE: Effects
YEAR: 1978 (and released in 2005, like seriously though)
DIRECTOR: Dusty Nelson
CAST: Joseph Pilato, Susan Chapek, John Harrison, Bernard McKenna, Debra Gordon, Tom Savini
B-MOVIE HIGHLIGHTS:
So take a look at this. Yes, you read that right. Tom Savini did effects for Effects, and also has a role in it. Weird, huh? So what is going on with this film here? Well, its like three fucking films at once, and each one is batshit crazy.
First, we find ourselves in the production room of a movie called Duped: The Snuff Film. What? It’s not one minute in and we've had two title screens and some shots of what look like snuff film producer mouths, just breathing heavy. Now let me say this, clearly and confidently, I have never seen a real snuff film, only this film and 8MM with Nic Cage, so I'm just using those as references. NOT A SNUFF FILM EXPERT. Let's move on.
Now we hit the actual horror film that is not a horror film but a front for the snuff film. We have a crew of like four people and two actors. Low budget more like no budget, ha. Anyways, we find them filming one scene and then calling it a day, because fuck who cares, right? We find our cinematographer Dominic (Joseph Pilato) and gaffer Celeste (Susan Chapek) dealing with mildly eccentric film maker Lacey Bickel (John Harrison). Dominic wonders why Celeste, who is seemingly a better actress, is doing behind the scenes shit while Rita (Debra Gordon) kinda sucks. Celeste plays it off and they wrap.
We get Lacey walking around set after everyone is gone showing us that there are hidden cameras everywhere, because I guess that's how you film a good snuff. NOT A SNUFF FILM EXPERT. Celeste then monologues into the mirror knowing there is a camera there, so now we know she's in on it too. The crew is out drinking and we see Celeste and Dominic begin to kindle a little flame for each other, and we get the great Tom Savini, interfering with their little romance by barging in on their conversation at the bar. Now, Tom is wearing an umbrella hat. In a bar. While drunk. Deal with it. Oh wait, you need more? He pulls out a key chain pistol and shoots it off, and then exposes his ass, which has the word "Fuck" written on it. Fucking legendary shit here.
Well the horror film keeps trudging along through weird rehearsals of the gore scenes and other shitty shots in a house in rural Pennsylvania. I can't tell you what the horror film was about. Some woman thinking her husband was a razorblade killer through psychic visions is the best I can piece together. During the shoot, our boy Tom Savini shows up, to the chagrin of Dominic and Celeste, and he's brought an "actress" to meet Lacey. The shoot wraps after like one scene again. Dominica catches glimpses later on of the "actress" giving Lacey a lap dance, so yeah, that happens.
Eventually, Celeste and Dominic get it on, and we find the snuff film producers from the start now full bodied, not just creepy mouths. They begin calling out camera directions as they film Dominic and Celeste have sex without Dominic knowing. Although I'm not sure why regular sex is needed in a snuff film. NOT A SNUFF FILM EXPERT.
While Dominic and some of the other crew are smoking weed, Lacey then approaches them and asks if they want to see a unique film. He shows them a snuff film. It involves a topless woman on an uncomfortable looking wicker chair getting killed by a man in an execution mask. Dominic is visibly upset after it, and reasonably so. Who the fuck wants to see that shit, especially while high? Lacey then admits he made the film, and the actress was fine. Dominic doesn't believe him, and Lacey does his best to sell him on snuff films as a viable art form. Like, what the fuck am I watching right now, for reals?
After a couple more scenes of them shooting the horror film, the time for transition into the true snuff film part happens. Lacey convinces Dominic to leave early with them to go shoot some shots in the woods. YEAH FUCKING RIGHT. But Dominic just woke up and is groggy, so he falls for the oldest snuff film trick in the book. NOT A SNUFF FILM EXPERT.
They drive him out in the middle of the woods, and try to execute him. Dominic escapes and we find that there are literally cameras all over the woods too. Like how in the fuck did they have the electrical capacity to do this and they can't film a decent fucking horror film at the same time? Dominic finds a random house in the woods, but sure enough its got a snuff film production operative there. Dominic don't take no more shit though, and after a few whacks with a fireplace poker and Dominic has now also acquired a rifle.
So, Dominic is killing people as he tries to get back and save Celeste, who he doesn't know is in on the snuff film. Meanwhile Barney (Bernard McKenna), the other actor in on the snuff film, kills Rita back at the house. The snuff film is adding up deaths, but with like no sexual context. Not sure that's how a snuff film works. NOT A SNUFF FILM EXPERT.
The climax is Dominic getting Celeste, who thinks the production has gone too far, to get into a car with him to leave. Then, the car fucking explodes. IT FUCKING EXPLODES. Is death by car explosion something that is sought after in the snuff film community? I don't know, I'M NOT A SNUFF FILM EXPERT.
Well. This, uh, this was a horror film. About a horror film. That was really a snuff film that somehow became more of an action film. It had Tom Savini in it. And that's gotta be enough to certify it as a B-MOVIE BLOCKBUSTER (NOT A SNUFF FILM EXPERT).
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