How to Cure Cabin Fever
I started the horror genre at a pretty young age. I was introduced to the classic monochromatic monsters of Universal by the time I was five and always had a penchant for the Halloween special episodes of my favorite ‘90s cartoons. However, my pivotal years in horror were most definitely middle school. I was branching out and disobeying my staunchly religious parents wishes of keeping my horror PG-13. It was in those years I also became obsessed with the era of the ‘80s and the Brat Pack. I started this habit where I would see a movie with an actor I really liked (during this era it was Emilio Estevez and Matt Dillon) and I’d go down a rabbit hole of all of the movies they’d ever done.
The only way to facilitate this was my local video stores- mainly Video Depot. A haven of VHS tapes lining the walls and shelves next to my favorite Chinese restaurant, which is still in business by the way! My dad worked as an overnight janitor for the local private school and on Friday nights, I would spend my allowance on pork lo mein and the ‘rent five for a dollar special’ at Video Depot. After my rentals were completed, I would take shelter in the student lounge which had a decent sized zenith and a couch. There my horror education really began. One of the hidden gems I ran across in the year 2003 was Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever.
I was elated to show my best friend, Paige, this gratuitous, gorey, mess of a film. Our favorite type of films were most generally set in a cabin / camping scenario and this delivered beyond our expectations. We were obsessed. We rented it almost every weekend. So much that one of the owners of Video Depot actually wound up giving me the tape since he wasn’t making any money off anyone else renting it. My love for this film has literally spanned more than a decade. It’s shockingly one of my comfort films and one I have most certainly reached for in the self quarantine days of COVID-19.
Something I hadn’t done in a while though, (or ever since their release) was revisit the sequels. I remember loving Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever and being really bored with Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero. So, during my time inside, I decided to spend it revisiting a series dedicated to a frightening flesh eating sickness.
For the record, I won’t be talking about the remake of Cabin Fever (2016) simply because it’s a near shot by shot remake of the original with only minor changes to the script and I was just honestly not impressed with it. I say if you’re a fan of the series, it’s worth a once over but nothing more.
Cabin Fever (2002)
The first in the series, directed by Eli Roth, starred Rider Strong as Paul, Jordan Ladd as Karen, Cerina Vincent as Marcy, Joey Kern as Jeff, and James DeBello as the dumb but oddly loveable Bert.The opening credits, though subtle, already makes you want to itch and gives you the feeling that there’s an odd smell of something rotting, but you can’t put your finger on it. This movie started off with a bang with the town hermit, later to be known as Henry, discovering his infected dog miraculously spouting blood directly into his mouth. It’s then we’re immediately thrust into the meeting of our main characters going on what I assume to be a summer break from college.
It’s kind of amazing to me that the characters can be established so quickly in this drive to the convenience store. Marcy and Jeff are the popular kids who can’t keep their hands off each other, Karen and Paul have some kind of hushed feelings for one another and Bert is just your dumb, goofy, drunk, jock.
Upon their arrival to the small southern store, we meet Dennis. Well, kind of. Dennis is a small, blonde mullet wearing kid who winds up biting Paul for getting too close to him. It’s an odd moment in the film, but definitely not the strangest, especially involving Dennis. Once inside, they’re greeted by a talkative but seemingly kind older man talking about fox urine and the demise of his prized Shirley Temple glassware. His southern racism seemingly rears his head as he informs them that he has a rifle reserved for the slur for black people- immediately putting the college kids in a state of unease. Bert delivers one of my favorite lines in the film as he’s busted shoplifting.
“Boy, you wanna give me one good reason you would steal a Snickers bar?”
“The nougat?”
Something really admirable about this movie is how smooth it feels. Even in the strange disjointed scenes that don’t really make any sense, it all feels like a fever dream of some sort. Especially after Eli Roth makes a cameo as the X-Game honored skateboarder, Justin or Grim and his German shepherd, Doctor Mambo. Another interesting plot point is the bet that Bert and Jeff make with one another, that they can only drink beer the entire time they’re on this trip. What seems like nothing is in fact a huge deal later.
The college students are brought to blows with the hermit (who Bert shot on his hunt for squirrels) as he wrecks their car and vomits blood all over it, leaving his infection everywhere. After the kids successfully light him on fire and scare him off, the infection and oddities really pick up speed. From Deputy Winston’s investigation of the scene of the crime and declaring it “party city” with Paul as the one and only “party guy” to the horrific “fingering” scene involving Paul and Karen. I’d be lying if I said that scene didn’t make me drop the plate of spaghetti I was eating during my most recent watch through.
The fear this movie portrays insanely well is how quickly the virus spreads from one twenty-something to another. Even with Karen ostracized in the shed, we discover the main source of the spread is the water. One by one, the infection grabs them from their dedication to staying hydrated. Also, I’m not really sure how to discuss the scene with Dennis doing karate off of the porch and screaming pancakes at an infected and sick Bert, but I feel like it definitely needs to be mentioned.
Something equally terrifying about this film is the feeling of being isolated. At every attempt to get help, they’re ostracized more and more from society and more importantly, from help. The gore is another key player in this film. It’s brutal and unrelenting and really disturbing. To this day, I fear that when I shave my legs, rips of flesh will come with it. The climax of the film seems to start so early on that the anxiety of getting to a doctor doesn’t let up, even when our hero does in fact get to a hospital. The film ends with children selling lemonade made with infected water and bluegrass music being plucked away as a water truck pulls away with what can only be assumed to be more disease.
This is hands down the best of the franchise. It also blows my mind that the disease in this film is inspired by an actual virus that Eli Roth caught while training horses in Iceland. You can tell that as this director’s first feature film that a lot of love was put into it. The writing is odd and filled with stories such as the bowling alley massacre that fill you with constant unease. It’s not for everybody and not for the faint of heart, but I always find myself going back to it.
Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009)
Directed by Ti West and stars Noah Segan as John, Rusty Kelley as Alex, Alexi Wasser as Cassie and Guiseppe Andrews returning as Deputy Winston. Rider Strong also reprises his role as Paul from the first film and this film also throws us some cameo bones with Larry Fesenden as Bill the Down Home Water delivery driver and Judah Friedlander as Toby, the perverted security guard.
The film starts out reuniting with our former protagonist, Paul, running out of the ditch he was left in and getting demolished by a school bus filled with children. Naturally Deputy Winston is the investigating officer who merely shrugs it off as a moose, until he finds a shoe caught in a tree limb. We’re whisked away by opening animated credits of how the infection spread through the Down Home Water Bottling Company. Shortly after, we’re introduced to some of our main characters- John and Alex who are debating on going to the prom and with who.
This movie’s pacing is incredibly strange. It jumps so quickly from scene to scene that I had a difficult time taking notes on it. Immediately after the prom discussion, John is beat up by Marc who is now the ex-boyfriend of John’s crush, Cassie then we’re jammed into Alex comforting a girl with braces named Liz who quickly proceeds to give him head in a bathroom stall. Though Alex is hesitant to do this not only from the braces but also an odd break out near the corner of her lip. Despite this, he asks her to prom which she at first denies due to being a “working girl” and says if she can, she will. We jump again to two of John’s friends begging him to ditch the idea of prom and come watch Bride of the Cannibals 2 instead.
I hate that I can’t hit all the key moments in this movie because of the pacing issues. Re-watching this, I noticed how inconsistent the feelings in the scene were. In the span of four minutes, we have John asking Cassie to prom, her saying no, Alex trying to convince him to go to prom, him accepting, and then Alex gluing his fingernail back onto his finger quite haphazardly. I don’t know why that’s one of the grossest moments in the film for me, but I gag every single time. It’s one of the few gore fests I can’t eat during.
A small bright side to this movie *for me at least* is that there’s a plus size girl in it! None of the characters are very well fledged out with maybe the exception of John, but even that’s pushing it. I really just get excited when bigger girls are cast in movies period, but especially horror movies. Even if she dies in a pretty awful way, she’s also one of the main reasons the virus spreads as she mixes the bottled Down Home Water to make the school punch. She also takes down her crush, Rick, just trying to hook up with her because he thinks she’ll be easy. Good riddance, Rick.
Meanwhile, there’s a very odd dynamic with Winston through the movie, trying to escape the CDC. Yes, that’s right. The CDC are murdering people threatening to spread the reason the virus has spread. They knock out Judah Friedlander’s character pretty quickly before they lock down the school and the big bloodshed begins.
Cassie surprises John at prom and even though he gets kicked out, he manages to get his way back in and attempts to warn his classmates. I won’t get into the nitty gritty of the rest of the film. I do feel the need to mention the scene where Alex’s penis starts rotting off and . . . for lack of a better word, discharging. Ew. There’s also a girl who gives birth to an infected baby in a trash can and Cassie’s douche-bag ex boyfriend bludgeons a guy to death trying to get into the library. Another notable gore is for some reason, Alex discovers in his melting state that if you amputate your arm above the wrist, it will stop the spread of infection further. Please don’t ask me how this makes sense.
The ending of the film is also insanely lackluster. After a chase through the woods and Cassie successfully escaping, we’re taken back to the working girl Liz who is an exotic dancer and reveals her infected breasts to some older men. One of which takes her to a private room for a dance who she then barfs all over. The end credits are another animated scene of how the infection spreads to the patron of the strip club’s jelly bean jar, Mexico, and seemingly everywhere surrounding the area. A real redeemer to this less than satisfying ending is John’s two friends sitting in their basement, surviving the infection because they wanted to stay home and watch scary movies. What heroes.
Overall, I actually really enjoy this movie. It’s wild and repulsive, but aside from the pacing issues, the movie suffers from jokes that are truly outdated which are most about liking under-aged girls. In an interview with Ti West (who hates the film and refuses to be associated with it in most occasions) he said that he wanted the film to have a John Waters feel to it and make it zany and funny with a ton of gooey gore.
Unfortunately, once he edited the film and showed it to Lionsgate, they hated it, hired a new editor and it sat in development hell for quite some time while Ti went on to make The House of the Devil. After hearing that, the pacing issues make WAY more sense since the original cut of the film was so butchered. He said they cut it so short that there were even discussions of re-shooting scenes to make the movie longer. However, I like Noah Segan and the fun sticky gore-fest that this movie is, so I say give it a whirl!
Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (2014)
The third and arguably the worst of the series, Patient Zero was directed by Kaare Andrews who was a notable comic book artist prior to this film and stars Currie Graham as Doctor Edwards, Mitch Ryan as Marcus, Ryan Donowho as Hobbs, Brando Eaton as Josh, and Jillian Murray as Penny. Some other notable characters are Solly Duran as Camilla, the doctor with a heart of gold, Lydia Hearst as Bridgett, the doctor with the heart lacking of much gold or any development really and last but certainly not least, Sean Astin as Porter. That’s right. Samwise Gamgee is in a horror movie that takes place on a desert island and a flesh eating virus.
This movie has a pretty solid start. It’s a slow motion scene of people in hazmat suits burning this swampy looking location while a cry for help via telephone plays ominously over the scene of exposed bones and infected flesh. We’re given that Porter is patient zero of a deadly flesh eating disease and that he is the only known carrier of said disease that shows no symptoms and is seemingly unaffected by it. Cue title card and cut to a bachelor party meeting up with the groom in the Caribbeans for the rehearsal dinner. As Marcus and his wife walk through the crowded marketplace, his groomsmen and childhood best friend surprise him with a bachelor party to a deserted island off the coast.
During the bulk of the film, we jump back and forth from the rowdy party and Sean Astin and his antics attempting to escape. One of which involves him breaking a coil of wire from his cage, cutting his hand and somehow stabbing and infecting a man trying to administer a shot to him with the virus. There’s also a scene where he’s ominously singing 3 Blind Mice which, believe it or not, is part of the plot.
Meanwhile, gifts are given to the groom. His brother gives him a larger than life rubber black dildo, his childhood best friend and brother’s girlfriend gives him a small street light due to a heartwarming story from their youth and Dobbs, his business partner, gives him weed.
Upon arriving at the island, Josh and Penny go scuba diving which isn’t the beautiful experience they were hoping for due to all of the fish being rotted and dead. What I will give this movie credit for is the steady progression. The characters are all a little one dimensional and their only development seems to be in what terrible people they are, but there is a dash of realism to that. We find out that Penny is only there to try and convince Marcus to leave his soon to be wife for her, Josh is just generally kind of dim-witted and Marcus is not only ready to abandon Dobbs in their business but he has also been sleeping with Penny.
The gore in this movie is by far the most outlandish, but still garners a fair amount of cringe. We get a quite literal interpretation of . . . well, there’s no professional way to say this, but Josh actually eats Penny’s pussy. There I said it. I’m not proud of it, but I said it. As the crew tries to find help, they’re sent down a rabbit hole into the facility where Sean Ast- I mean Porter, is being held and run into numerous infected doctors that were placed on a 48 hour lock down due to the former Hobbit’s blood stunt.
This movie tries really hard to make you feel for the characters as their faults are put on display for one another, but for some reason, it just barely makes it. I do absolutely have to give credit to the awesome scene where Bridgett, a doctor who’s been infected by way of Doctor Edwards being an idiot, gets into a flesh ripping fight with Penny back on the beach. I’m not saying this is where the black dildo comes back into play, but my god.
The ending twist is pretty interesting and leaves us questioning how it came about. Since I feel as if this is the less seen film in the franchise, I’ll let you view it for yourself and gather your own opinions. All in all though, I didn’t hate this movie. I wanted to and had in the past, but I just found myself entertained and just as grossed out as I was during the other films. In hindsight, maybe I should even brave the 2016 remake of the original?
To wrap up, these films are fun and super gross and just a good, fun, ride. If you’re not a fan of body horror or have a fear of what’s happening in the world right now, maybe skip these. However, if you’re like me and find an odd sense of comfort in absurdities, give them a go!
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